Finding true love … and choosing wisely
By Sandy Vasko
It’s that romantic time of year; Valentine’s Day is when we express our feelings for the one person, that someone special that you have shared some of your life with.
Falling in love, finding the right person and staying together have occupied us since time immemorial. This is our annual story about finding “Mr./Ms.” right.
Finding someone to share your life with is the first obstacle. Today we do it on social media. Back in the day, they did that, too. Only the social media was called a newspaper. In 1841, the first “personal” ad was printed in the only newspaper in the county, the Juliet Courier:
“Notice – A gentleman, 38 years old, a farmer, possessed of a competency, of good person appearance, and correct habits, being desirous of procuring a wife, and having but little time, or opportunity to pursue the ordinary course to obtain one, takes this method to inform those females who may wish to change their situation, that he is in the market and ready to accept of a fair offer. Being somewhat particular he will state the qualifications he expects in the successful applicant. She must not be over 30 years of age, neither too tall nor too short; her eyes must be blue and her hair auburn. She must know how to milk, feed the pigs, and do all kinds of household work.
“Particular, and satisfactory reference will be given if required by any one answering this advertisement. Direct your answers to ‘B’ and leave them at the Courier office, where I will receive them. Chelsea, Will Co., Ill. June 10, 1841.”
In a “Dear Abby” type column in the Joliet Signal in 1857 some advice is given on how to choose the right husband.
“How to avoid a bad husband
- Never marry a fop, one who struts about dandy like in his silk gloves and ruffles, with a silver headed cane, and rings on his fingers. Beware! There is surely a trap.
- Never marry a close fisted, sordid wretch, who saves every penny, or spends it grudgingly. Take care least he saves you to death.
- Never marry a stranger, or one who character is not known or tested. Some females jump right into the fire with men – eyes wide open.
- Never marry a mope or drone, one who draws and draggles through life one foot after another, and lets things take their own course.”
The article goes on to list every bad habit a man could have, enough to scare a poor girl away from marriage entirely.
One man found he had chosen badly, and found a unique solution. We read in the November 16, 1864, Wilmington Independent: “How we progress! During the past week or so, we have had, right here in Wilmington a genuine wife sale – one of the kind we occasionally read of as having occurred, but at so great a distance from us that it fails to attract our attention. “A painter of this town, named Cook, traded his wife off to a man named Peck for – what do you think reader? – A heavy pile of ‘filthy lucre?’ Something very tempting? Oh, how the romance of the affair vanishes when we tell! She was traded off for a receipt for making salve! “One of our prominent citizens was called upon to witness the bargain and stipulations between the two men, and Peck soon after started with his purchase for Wisconsin. Great God, what a country, and how we progress!”
Love at first sight is a well-known phenomenon. I think that’s what this ad in the January 18, 1878 Wilmington Advocate represents:
“Personal – Will the young lady with army shoes on, who, in crossing the street, slipped and come near being run over by a team driven by the man dressed in suit of Black Hills overalls, send her address to young man without any Ulster who hung on to a hitching post and laughed at her?”
And finally, we view the old love/hate relationship that many couples have. From the October 18, 1878, Wilmington Advocate:
“Not long ago a lady of this city applied for a divorce and subsequently ‘made up’ and withdrew the application. Things not running smooth, however, she again filed a petition for a divorce. Oil was once more poured upon the troubled waters, and with her liege lord she started on a visit to New York without, in this last instance, withdrawing the action.
“As a consequence, the divorce was legally decreed last week, while the couple, in blissful ignorance of the fact, are probably enjoying marital felicity in the highest degree somewhere in the Empire State. A good joke, and yet a very serious matter.”
Sandy Vasko is Director of the Will County Historical Museum & Research Center and President of the Will County Historical Society.
Henry and Bertha Winkler cut a fine pose for their wedding shot.