Farmers Weekly Review

By Karen Haave

In a perfect world, everyone would be joyful over the holidays. But it isn’t perfect, and for many, the holidays bring more pain than joy.

If you are one of those who are struggling with depression or sadness, Peace Lutheran Church in New Lenox wants you to know that you are not alone.

And while there is no easy “fix,” Peace Lutheran has a special worship program that might help make the days a little less bleak. Its Shortest Day / Longest Night service will be offered once again at 5 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 21, at the church 1900 East Lincoln Highway, across the street from Lincoln-Way Central High School.

Also known in some congregations as a Blue Christmas Service, this Shortest Day/Longest Night observance allows anyone who has felt any kind of loss — death, divorce, job, family estrangement — to find solace.

It recognizes the pain that this season causes for some people, the way in which the constant refrain of family, gathering, celebrations, giving, affluence, and happiness can rub salt into the wounds that some people already bear.

The service is traditionally held close to the winter solstice, the shortest day and, therefore, longest night of the year.

“This is a service that acknowledges that the holidays can be really hard for people,” Peace Lutheran Pastor Amy Michelson said.

“It also recognizes that no matter what we are going through in our lives, we are all held in God’s compassionate love and care.”

What triggers the sense of sadness, she noted, can be as simple as a memory of happier times.

“I think it varies from person to person. For some, it’s the memories of spending the holidays with family and friends who are no longer with us. While we cherish these memories and give thanks for the time we got to spend with loved ones who have since died, it’s a stark reminder of those we’ve lost and missing them is painful.

“For others, I think it’s the expectation placed on the holiday season, that it be merry and bright, and that we feel joyful and cheerful. There are times in our lives that are merry and bright and times that aren’t, but when the messaging is limited in perspective and counter to our experience, we can start to feel resentful of the messaging and even of the season.”

Many people do try to hide those feelings, but Michelson encourages being open about them and allowing others to show support.

“It can be scary and challenging to confront our own emotions. We also tend to think we’re doing people a service by not burdening them with our grief, pain, anxiety, etc. but really, we are made to support one another.

“That’s what healthy relationships are for — experiencing the good and the bad together. It is always a good idea to reach out to someone we trust when we’re having a hard time. Wouldn’t we want the ones we love to reach out to us with the good and the bad?

“Reach out to those you love! Not reaching out is actually a disservice to our trusted, loving relationships.”

And when someone does reach out, she added, the best way to help them is simply to hear what they have to say.

“Sit with them and listen,” she said.

“Sometimes it helps to ask them what they need from us — do they need us to just listen, help them think through next steps, or take them out to lunch? Sometimes people don’t know what they need, so offer something — ‘I’d love to take you out to lunch sometime next week if you’re up for it. What works for you? Can I drop off take out some night this week? Why don’t you come over and watch the game on Saturday?’

“If they’re grieving the loss of a loved one, talk to them about their loved one. Share your memories of the person. Whether it’s been days, weeks, months, or years, holidays often make us think about the ones who are no longer with us who we wish we could be celebrating with, so acknowledge that reality for folks. For the big losses in our lives, grief doesn’t always go away. It just changes.

“Finally, if you’re a person of faith, pray for people and remind them that God can handle whatever they are feeling, too.

“I would just encourage people to feel whatever they are feeling this holiday season and know that it’s OK to feel that way. If you are full of joy, then be full of joy, while also acknowledging that there are others who aren’t and consider how you can reach out to them and support them. If you are full of grief, sadness, or anger that’s OK, too.

“How can you show yourself some grace during this season and who can you reach out to for support? Let’s take good care of ourselves and of one another as we celebrate the birth of Christ and as we watch for ways that God continues to be Immanuel, God with us, every day of our lives.”

Karen Haave is a freelance reporter.