Farmers Weekly Review

By Nick Reiher

Fairly often, when I have to give my birthdate, people will say, “Oh, a Christmas baby! Did you get cheated?”

I was lucky enough to grow up in an Italian family. Dad was mostly German, but that didn’t count since we lived in a house owned by my Mom’s first-generation Italian parents.

My birthday parties were on Christmas Eve, since everyone had their own plans on Christmas Day. Lots of food, birthday cake and gifts for your truly. On Christmas Day, a nice dinner cooked by Mom, and more gifts from Santa.

Around age 8 or so, as with many kids that age, I was kicked out of the Garden of Christmas Knowledge. There were still parties on Christmas Eve and, for a few more years, there were gifts under the tree on Christmas. Otherwise, it was all on the night before.

As I grew older, Christmas became more subdued. By my early 20s, I also realized I inherited the family trait of anxiety and depression.

And, you know, sometimes the Christmas music, decorations, parties and even gifts, just didn’t do anything for me. In fact, they made me feel worse. All this celebration and good cheer, and I couldn’t get into it.

Of course, there must have been something wrong with me.

Luckily, Tammy and I found each other. She helped make the holiday more fun again. And when Jillian and Andy came along, we had a blast before they, too, were kicked out – or walked out – of the Garden of Christmas knowledge.

Christmas Eves at my brother Gordon’s were and are a special continuation of the ones we celebrated growing up. At times, we celebrated at Tammy’s parents’ house in Minnesota, with more nieces and nephews. Talk about a Norman Rockwell scene.

There was that one Christmas in 1988, after Tammy and I were married and were expecting Jillian (who would take her own, sweet time the following spring) when my Mom died suddenly a week before Christmas. A day after my brother and sister-in-law’s anniversary. A week before my birthday.

We were lucky to have family and friends here and in Minnesota to support us.

But even with family and friends, with or without a loss of a loved one, holidays – especially ones where night seems to start shortly after morning — can be a really tough time, as I had in my early 20s.

I have written stories about it. Here’s a few suggestions I gleaned:

♦ Take an active role in planning your participation in the Holiday activities. That is, take control in planning what you want to do or not do.

♦ You have a right to change your mind about how you celebrate the Holidays each year. Just do what you feel is right for you this year, and plan nest year, next year.

♦ Try not to become caught up in the unrealistic expectation that these times are to be filled with joy, relaxation, and intimacy for everyone.

♦ Limit or delete alcohol consumption since it is a depressant and you may already be depressed.

♦ Give yourself permission to have joy when you can

♦ Do not be forced in doing things you do not want or feel up to just to keep others happy. Let your limits be known to concerned others.

♦ Do something for someone else. Bringing joy to someone else can help restart the holiday warmth.

♦ Allow others to reach out to you — even though you may feel lonely and empty. You are not alone and too much isolation will not be helpful in the healing process.

To that end, several churches in the area have annual “Longest Night” services, also called “Blue Christmas” services, around December 21, the Winter Solstice, when there are more hours of darkness before the days begin to grow longer.

This year, I am proud to announce that my church, Faith Lutheran in Joliet, will be hosting a “Longest Night/Blue Christmas” service at 7 p.m. Thursday, Dec. 19, at the church, 353 N. Midland Ave.

A few of us talked for a while with our pastor, Jana Howson, about this service. How we have lost so many saints the past few years. And how tough life is in general for a lot of us.

We know there are people in the community – far and wide – who can use that support as well.

In Pastor Jana’s words, the service is quiet and reflective in tone, giving space for emotions such as sadness, loss or grief, along with words of hope and a reminder that even the most shadowed night eventually gives way to dawn and new hope.

There will be a space for remembrance of what has been lost through candle lighting, as well as scriptures, readings and songs. Anyone experiencing grief or loss is welcome to join us for this service.

I hope to see you there. I give good hugs. Take ‘em, too.

Nick Reiher is editor of Farmers Weekly Review.