‘I Would Have Been One of Them’ Navy vet says PTSD different for everyone
By Karen Haave
In 2016, Adopt A Soldier hosted its first Ruck March. Twelve veterans, current military and one pre-basic training soldier, walked 22 miles in honor and awareness for the 22 military members who lose their battle to PTSD every day.
Since then, it has evolved into a community event with a 22K Ruck, or a 2.2K informative walk, to honor, remember, and acknowledge those struggling with PTSD and to raise awareness about military suicides.
The annual 22-mile hike from Bradley to the Peotone Fairgrounds on May 29 was dedicated to James Bartz of Monee who lost his life in February, as well as to Jacob Crewson, USMC, who passed away a year ago, and his mother, Jennifer, who died in April.
“I would have been one of them,” said United States Navy veteran Brittany Payne through tears. “But my son saved me. He’s my one and only. Having him gives me purpose.”
Serving from 2009 to 2016, she understands feeling alone, PTSD and the threat of suicide. She welcomed Ruck Marchers at the Fairgrounds with her young son, Colton.
Ruck March 2023 honored the memories of two young soldiers and a Teal Star mom, all of whom lost their battles with PTSD earlier this year.
Adopt A Soldier Founder and self-described “military mama bear” Sue Wackerlin continues her mission to make sure none of her heroes ever feels alone. She made that pledge again with Ruck March 2023.
Payne said Wackerlin saved her and Colton as well.
An Illinois native, she found herself in Washington with Colton and a desire to come home. But without help and necessary funding, making that move was not an option.
That’s where Sue Wackerlin stepped in, arranging for the move and paying the $5,000 it cost.
“She is like a mother to me,” Payne said, tears welling up again. “She’s my surrogate mother. She is a good woman.”
PTSD, Payne noted, is an individual experience and difficult to explain.
“It’s just like fingerprints,” she said, “no one person’s experience is exactly like another person’s.”
Sometimes it’s survivor’s guilt, knowing that others did not make it back, she added. Sometimes it’s seeing something so horrific it shocks the mind of its victim. The one-time Gunner’s Mate 2 couldn’t offer a more specific explanation.
The hardest part, she noted, is that “People do not understand what you’ve gone through.” But it’s a mental challenge that she knows every day.
The thought of leaving Colton alone in this world haunts her, but the support she found in Adopt A Soldier sustains her.
Like so many others Adopt A Soldier has helped since Wackerlin launched it over a decade ago, she said she is forever grateful for all the help she has received.
For her part, Wackerlin is never not working to help a veteran. Over the years, she has brought soldiers home for family emergencies, restored the apartment of at least one soldier whose belongings were stolen while she was on deployment, collected basic necessities for residents at the Veterans Home at Manteno, and more.
These days, she said, she is working with the Veterans Administration to help a young Illinois soldier get his car back from California.
“He was stationed in California, and they transferred his vehicle to Missouri,” she explained. “And he lives in Palatine. They will only transfer a vehicle once and pay for it. We want to get his back to him in Palatine so he has transportation, and can get to work.”
She said she had no idea how his vehicle ended up in Missouri, but whatever the reason, “We’re working on it.”
During the luncheon that followed the 2023 Ruck March, Wackerlin accepted a check for $13,848 from Johanna Marks and Tammy Hendrickson, who hosted “a huge fundraiser in Lombard” earlier in May.
Asked how her Peotone-based AAS was finding support from a city so far north, Wackerlin grinned, “By grace of God and word of mouth.”
Also during the event, Wackerlin voiced thanks to Cornerstone Cafe in Peotone, for providing the cold drinks, sandwiches and sweet treats served. “Cornerstone Cafe paid for all of it,” she said. “We want to thank them for that.”
After the luncheon, Wackerlin’s niece, Becky Berdowski read “The Promise,” a verse Wackerlin composed for her beloved veterans and their families last year:
Your loved one was killed in action
By an enemy no one can see
Camouflaged by darkness
Alone with memories
Anxiety and triggers
The war still rages on
A battlefield so epic
It’s played out in the mind
So powerful the enemy
Its lies ring loud and clear
That life is not worth living
So they must disappear
Four letters name the enemy
Yes, PTSD is real
We must not let it take away
The soldiers we hold dear
Suicide brings shame to those
Who mourn the loss of life
A lie the demon plants with pride
We must stand up and fight
Your child, our hero
Rest in peace
They’ve served our country true
Our hearts and prayers are with you
We will get you through
So stand with pride this tragic day
And mourn the child you’ve lost
Just know we are right beside you
Fighting for those lost
We, the military moms and dads
Are marching in a line
To fight the fight that took your child
A war that’s been defined
As parents we will not give in
‘Till every hero’s free
We will fight until the battle’s won
An end to PTSD.
More information about Adopt A Soldier Peotone and its programs and services is available by calling (708) 825-6751 and on Facebook.
Karen Haave is a freelance reporter.
Ruckers show their support for veteran suicide awareness at the annual Adopt a Soldier Ruck March from Bradley to the fairgrounds in Peotone.
(Photo courtesy of Sue Wackerlin)