Farmers Weekly Review

As you read this, Christmas will have been over for a few days. Unless the U.S. Postal Service sorting center in Bedford Park threw a bunch of our papers in the corner again.

Did you have a good one? Did you get everything you wanted. The Rolling Stones say that doesn’t always happen.
No Red Ryder BB gun? Ah, maybe next year. Wait, what’s that behind the chair …

I’d say Christmas was definitely better than it was two years ago, when we were encouraged to celebrate virtually. Or even a year ago, when we weren’t sure who got vaxxed and when.

It’s tough to tell sometimes when things are good with people. I’ve seen people partying like rock stars on Facebook, only to find out later they were going through some pretty tough stuff. And that’s how they coped. But on Facebook, all you saw were smiles.

As I have mentioned, I have suffered on and off with depression and anxiety most of my life. Mostly off, thank goodness. But there was a time in 1984 when it really took hold. And only part of it was because the Cubs collapsed in the playoffs earlier that year.

A great friend of mine asked me to see “Amadeus” with her and then get a bite to eat afterward. It took all I could to move my butt through that frozen molasses of depression to go out and have a good time.

But I did. And I had a great time. Years later, I told her how much I was suffering inside during our date. She was surprised. She said I never showed it.

Here’s the thing: Are you supposed to mention it or not? Should you plow through the frozen molasses and not say a word, or do you open up when somebody asks, “How ya doin’?”

For me, it depends on the time, the place and the person. On that particular night, I wanted to focus on having fun. And I did, proving to myself I still could, despite my mind telling me otherwise. And it has continued to be a great source of pride.

There were – and are – other times when certain family and friends are crucial. They know my backstory. They know all the bumps in the road. And sometimes I need reminding I still am the one who has the wheel.

All this during a holiday season where there is “Joy to the World” and all that can make it unbearable for people going through tough times.

On the front page this week, you’ll see a story from Karen Haave about a “Longest Night” prayer event at Peace Lutheran Church in New Lenox. They and other churches have held this service for many years. Also called the “Blue Christmas” service, it offers a service of peace and support for those hurting one way or another.

A former county official whom I have known for nearly 20 years lost his Dad earlier in December. He said it sucked. It does. I told him I lost my Mom very suddenly a week before Christmas – my birthday – some eight months after she watched Tammy and me get married.

And five months before her second granddaughter would be born. I figured Mom got her chance to babysit before Jilly was born. Family, here and in Minnesota were so helpful, as were friends who knew her well and loved her.
During the holidays, it’s OK to not be happy all the time. But you should give it a try now and then. If nothing else, just to prove to yourself you can.

Keeping traditions alive with family or friends can help you get through. We’ve had years when we didn’t feel like putting up a tree, but most of the time we did. And it’s nice to see the glow of the lights in the evening. And the special memories of each ornament.

So, do you open up? When? And to whom?

For me, it’s when I need reassurance that I can find that right path again. Sometimes, I reach out to family. Sometimes to a friend. Sometimes, to a therapist. Sometimes, all of the above.

Been down that road too often? Maybe you need a new set of ears. There is a new confidential suicide prevention and mental health crisis lifeline: 988. They’re there 24/7, just like friends and family said they would be, but you might not want to wake up again.

It can take a lot of guts to reach out. But the feeling when someone reaches back makes it all worth it.
You can do it. You have done it. And you can again.